Unconditional Love

I have been asking what love is. For my entire life.

Now I think I know what it is.

Why are we rejecting the love we receive?

Why are we hiding the love we feel?

Why are we so attached to the object of love itself?

Is that really love?

When you love… you will not control

When you love… you do not expect something back

When you love… you let them free.

Sometimes our love is too much… or so we think.

Sometimes we just want to protect them from danger… or so we think.

Aren’t you just feeling insecure?

Aren’t you just afraid of being unloved-back?

Look around.

Have you not seen the love given by others?

Have you not acknowledged their gifts?

Have you loved them back?

Look inside.

Have you not acknowledged your feelings?

Have you been suppressing the love?

Or… have you been feeling guilty for loving?

Remember to love. Unconditionally. Including to ourselves.

London, 24th June 2019

Jangan salahkan aku, ini aku

Aku ini hanya tak tahu.

Dan aku ingin tahu.

Aku bertanya untuk menemukan cahaya,

agar kita bisa berdiskusi dari sana.

Janganlah kau merasa tersinggung

Aku tidak menyerangmu

Aku hanya ingin buktinya

Agar kubisa yakin, bahwa itu tak palsu.

Aku memang bukan orang yang penuh kehangatan

Ya, tak mudah kau beli rasa hormatku

Kau harus melewati ujian berat,

guna membuktikan kualitasmu.

Wahai kalian para pejuang.

Jangan malah kau salahkan aku

Yang memberimu ujian ini.

Bukan salahku jika kau tak lulus.

Belajarlah lagi dan cobalah lagi lebih baik.

Tahukah kamu,

Bahwa di balik tembok baja itu

Oasis nan indah sedang menunggu.

London, 20 Juli 2019 di malam biru

Pembelajaran Diri

Mungkin caraku bukan cara terbijak

Mereka juga manusia

Minimal kuharus bisa menghormati usahanya

Tanpa melihat apa hasilnya

Ya, kau benar.

Aku mungkin perlu berbenah

Bukan berarti aku harus setuju

Tapi tak perlu lah kupermalukan mereka.

Kuharus belajar lebih bijak

Untuk bisa melihat potensi kerusakan akibat ego mereka yang mungkin terusik

Kuharus sadar dan realistis

Bahwa mereka itu juga manusia, yang punya kebutuhan egonya.

Tak apalah mereka tak berpikiran terbuka.

Memang tak mudah untuk bisa berlapang dada.

Jadi harap maklumlah…

Dan hargai perasaan mereka.

Jika semua orang ingin dimengerti

Siapa yang akan mengerti aku?

Ah sudahlah, Lilis Kecil….

Tak usah berekspektasi untuk dipahami.

Tak apalah menjadi yang paling dewasa! Berbanggalah!

London, 20 Juli 2019 di malam sunyi

Things you need to know before starting a PhD

London, 10th June 2018

Hi, I would like to share my thought about some considerations before you start a PhD study. As I am writing this, I am at the end of my second year of my PhD at King’s College London. I reckon that some of you are interested in pursuing similar journey since I have been getting questions recently. So, let’s get started! :)

Why

You might be thinking of pursuing a PhD in a certain field which is of your interest. Nevertheless, there is a very important question you need to ask yourself: “Why would I want to be a PhD?”

This is very crucial that people tend to forget; find your genuine motivation and reasons! Is it:

• to get promoted in your current academic job?
• to learn deeper into interesting subject you are passionate about?
• to pursue career in research?
• due to your dream to invent something extraordinary?
• due to your dream to solve problems you concern about?
• merely due to the love of your intellectual pursuits?
• etc. (Find it!)

Somehow, it must be worth your attention, time and interest!

How

Now that you have decided to get a PhD. You should know how to get it, right? Here are the processes you can expect:

• Surf deep into the field (engage yourself into it, allow some time)
• Prepare a research proposal (not always necessarily though, if you are joining existing project in a research group)
• List and target certain experts in the field (stalk their work!)
• Contact candidate supervisors and discuss about the potential project with them
• Consider about your funding source: research grant from your supervisors, from an industrial company, from a charity body, from government, or self-funded. The latest is not recommended though, there are so many funding available for conducting research, why should you pay by yourself?!
• If the supervisors say yes, go ahead to the university application processes and quote their names as your potential supervisors (of course, you must also fulfill all the documents and standard requirements from the university)
• Skype/phone-call or direct interviews with the supervisors
• Decision by the university and supervisors
• If accepted, the letter of acceptance (LoA) should be issued from the university (be patient, their internal process usually takes some time)
• Find your funding! (if not yet have one)

Regarding funding, my tips are:

• Prepare the funding application simultaneously with your university’s as it will save you time.
• If possible, get the LoA beforehand so that your overhead stake to secure the funding is higher.

What

PhD stands for Doctor of Philosophy. Why is it called philosophy even though not every PhD was studying philosophy? Because a PhD must be able to think original, be engaged in philosophical problems and provide discovery/solution/suggestion/explanation to the core roots of the problems. In this sense, you are considered mastering the philosophy of that very specific field.

The study:

PhD is not a short journey; normally it is around 3 to 4 years in total for full time students in the UK, whilst in some other countries it might extent up to 5 or even more years. At the beginning, you will conduct some literature reviews and/or pilot study to sharpen the research questions. At the same time, it is quite important to attend some courses to enhance the skills as a researcher, such as statistics, academic writing, project management, basic technical skill specific to each field, etc.

In MPhil/PhD system, after 9 to 18 months of the study (the period might vary in different university and department), you will have to show to the thesis committee that you are able to conduct and finish the PhD project. To do so, you must write a short upgrade report containing the project proposal with clear plan and timeline. On the upgrade exam day, you need to present it in front of the thesis committee. A thesis committee usually consists of the supervisors, one or two other experts in related field and a postgraduate coordinator (if applicable). Only after you pass that upgrade process, the ‘MPhil/PhD student’ status is changed to a legitimate ‘PhD student’, first milestone!

After the upgrade, it’s time to start (or continue) the experimentation or data collection! This stage usually lasts two years or so, mixed with conferences, (hopefully) writing (and submitting) some paper(s).

When your supervisors think you have done enough for a PhD, then usually you can focus on the thesis write-up (though the thesis writing process can also be done as you go along with the project).

When you and your supervisors are happy with the thesis, then you can submit it to the college. After that, you are ready for your thesis viva, normally in the next several months after submission.
The viva is a very crucial moment where you are going to discuss your PhD project in depth with external experts related to your thesis topic. You must be able to demonstrate the originality and novelty of your thesis with holistic understanding to your examiners. Only by showing the original contribution to the field then someone is worth a PhD title! Sounds daunting, doesn’t it?! But, here is one stat which hopefully can ease your (and my) fear: people say 99% percent of the PhD students who eventually submit their thesis will pass it. The real struggle, really is on the process before submitting! Obviously, if your relationship with your supervisors is fairly good then they will not let you submit unless they are sure that you will pass; their reputation is on stake too! There are several decisions after the viva that can happen:

• You pass without correction (very rarely)
• You pass with minor correction (mostly expected)
• You pass with major correction
• You pass with a ‘Master’ degree instead
• You fail completely (very unlikely)

Obviously, the first is the most desirable one. However, minor correction is fine. So, if you need to do some correction, you will have one up to six months for revising the thesis and re-submit. And... you are a PhD by then! Well done, time for graduation ceremony! :D

Okay folks, that’s it for now. I hope this short sharing can help some people to get their PhD dream! Once again, it is not a short journey (and of course not an easy one!). However, the fulfillment is deep and satisfying if you really enjoy the process. From what I have learned so far, it is not only a training to do research, but also a life changing moment where you can ponder upon your life! Are you still thinking (or starting to think) to do a PhD? ;)

Best wishes,

Lilis

Lilis Iskandar a PhD student at Tissue Engineering and Biophotonics, Dental Institute, King’s College London who started her research on tissue engineering for bone augmentation in oral and maxillofacial surgery in July 2016. Wish her luck with the remaining of her study! Bless you :)

Second Attempt LPDP Awardee: Untuk bisa kuliah S3, tidak harus S2 terlebih dahulu, dan itu legal

London, 29 Mar 2017 [22.09]

Hai saya ingin berbagi cerita sendikit. Cerita ini sudah lama saya tulis, kira-kira satu tahun lalu saya berhasil menjadi awardee LPDP untuk studi saya sekarang. Cerita ini saya buat karena angkatan saya saat itu ingin membuat antologi kisah perjuangan para awardee. Namun apakah akhirnya antologi tersebut akhirnya dipublikasi atau tidak, saya kurang tahu karena tidak ada kabar lanjutannya. So, saya share di sini saja ya. Barangkali bisa membantu kalian yang punya kebingungan yang sama dengan dengan saya dulu.

----------------------------------------------------

“Hai Lilis, kamu diterima kuliah di London ya? Ambil apa? S2 ya?”

“Saya ambil S3, akan meneliti tentang bahan tulang untuk bedah mulut.”

“Lho? Belum S2 memang bisa langsung S3?!”

Itulah pertanyaan tipikal yang sangat sering saya jumpai. Dan saya ingin klarifikasi sekali lagi “YA, BISA LANGSUNG S3 (PhD) tanpa harus S2 (Master), tergantung syarat masuk universitas dan jurusan yang kita daftar.”

Sebelumnya perkenalkan, saya adalah seorang dokter gigi, lulusan Fakultas Kedokteran Gigi Universitas Indonesia (FKG UI) angkatan 2009, menyelesaikan studi S1/SKG (Sarjana Kedokteran Gigi) pada tahun 2012, selesai profesi (drg) pada tahun 2014. Kecintaan saya terhadap riset dan bedah mendorong saya untuk melanjutkan pendidikan Dentistry Research di King’s College London.

Kembali ke contoh skenario yang saya paparkan di pembukaan, percaya atau tidak, hal tersebut HAMPIR SELALU terjadi, bahkan juga terjadi di 2x proses interview LPDP yang pernah saya jalani. Sedikit saya ceritakan tentang proses selama mengikuti seleksi LPDP.

First Attempt: Seleksi LPDP batch IV 2015

Wawancara berlangsung normal, saya ditanya tentang visi, pengalaman riset, alasan mengambil jurusan dan universitas tujuan, dll. Semua berjalan lancar, hingga di momen akhir muncullah pertanyaan itu, “Loh kamu belum S2? Kenapa langsung S3?” Saya menjelaskan bahwa itu memungkinkan. Namun, interviewer berkata bahwa LPDP tidak dapat mengakomodir karena syarat untuk memperoleh beasiswa S3 harus ada ijazah S2. Saya pun diberi saran dari para interviewer untuk pindah jurusan saja ke S2 atau jika tetap bersikukuh mau S3 berarti harus mencari beasiswa lain.

Sekejap saya menjadi lesu, saya hanya mendaftarkan diri 1 universitas dengan 1 jurusan ini saja, saya tidak mendaftar ke tempat lain dan saya sudah mantap dengan pilihan ini karena sesuai dengan visi saya ke depan, yakni menjadi dosen dan peneliti di bidang bedah mulut. Akhirnya, di hari pengumuman hasil, saya tidak lolos seleksi substantif.

Idle time

Sejak gagalnya perjuangan saya di seleksi LPDP pertama, sudah tidak terpikir lagi untuk mencoba kembali karena telah mengetahui bahwa saya tidak mungkin lolos dengan kondisi seperti ini. Saya lalu fokus mencari back-up plan, yakni mencari beasiswa lain ini dan plan B untuk mendaftar studi spesialis bedah mulut di universitas dalam negeri.

Mencari sumber beasiswa tidak mudah, berbagai informasi sudah saya kumpulkan dan hasilnya nihil. Intinya saya hampir mengalami jalan buntu untuk mengatasi kendala biaya untuk mewujudkan mimpi studi S3 tersebut.

Suatu hari, teman seperjuangan saya di seleksi LPDP batch IV 2015 lalu yang berhasil lolos, di hari PK-nya mem-post broadcast di grup angkatan FKG UI 2009 tentang kemungkinan LPDP membuka peluang beasiswa pendidikan spesialis dokter gigi. Kemudian saya mengubungi teman saya itu untuk mengkonfirmasi kebenarannya, dari sini cerita berikutnya akan berlanjut.

Setelah ngobrol tentang beasiswa spesialis, teman saya memberitahukan kabar mengejutkan lainnya, yakni ada salah satu teman PK-nya yang merupakan lulusan S1 dan mendapatkan beasiswa LPDP untuk studi S3 di Australia. Ketika ia menceritakan kasus saya, temannya kaget, karena selama wawancara tidak disinggung sama sekali perihal belum S2. Kemudian kami berkesimpulan bahwa saya kurang beruntung di seleksi yang pertama dan saya harus mencoba lagi di seleksi LPDP berikutnya.

Second Attempt: Seleksi LPDP batch I 2016

Akhirnya saya submit dokumen yang sama dengan sebelumnya, nothing to lose. Seleksi dokumen puji syukur berhasil lolos. Akhirnya masuklah ke tahap wawancara, dan pertanyaan (pertama) yang muncul adalah (lagi-lagi) “Loh kamu daftar S3 ya, S2 nya belum?” Namun bedanya kali ini saya sudah lebih siap menjawab dan beruntungnya, salah satu interviewer saya ada yang paham mengenai perbedaan sistem pendidikan di UK dan Indonesia, beliau membantu menjelaskan juga mengenai hal tersebut (sepertinya beliau pernah mengalami hal yang sama). Akhirnya perihal tersebut beres dan lanjut interview ke pembahasan mendalam tentang studi dan penelitian saya nantinya.

Hari pengumuman pun tiba, 10 Maret 2016. Tak terkira perasaan rasa senang saya ketika membaca email yang menyatakan saya LULUS seleksi substantif LPDP. Puji syukur, saya sangat berterima kasih atas kesempatan yang diberikan untuk melanjutkan studi ini. Semoga kelak saya dapat berkontribusi maksimal untuk memajukan dunia riset di Indonesia, khususnya bidang kedokteran gigi. Jadi, bagi teman-teman yang belum beruntung pada seleksi pertama, jangan patah semangat dan tetap berusaha. Semoga cita-cita kita bersama untuk memajukan Indonesia dapat terwujud J

Who said London is not cold?

London, 3 March 2017 [24.06]

I remember before I came here last year, many people told me London is not that cold, it does not even snow. However, it is windy and rainy they said. But I guess the later has got something to do with the former. So, is London cold?

Winter has still got more than a month to officially pass, but I am already tired of winter since last month. Let me explain why. First of all, maybe you might think mainly because of the coldness. Well, it is one of them; but really, it is actually the darkness that kills me more. Born and raised in tropical country, I used to have fairly rich of sunshine everyday, approximately 12 hours everyday all month all year, and I wasn't a big fan of it. First time experiencing the full winter at the northern hemisphere of the earth, I do learn appreciating the grace from our sun much more.
We are indeed primitive being, fully controlled by the chemistry and electricity inside our body, one of them is the circadian rhythm a.k.a. our biological clock! Over billions of years, each cells of our body has evolved so much, yet still retain its native traits to control their lives (our life as well!) by simply depending on sunlight stimulus. We know the trees and some animals will hibernate during winter and wake up again at spring. Everyday most of us go to sleep when it's dark and wake up in the morning. Problem with winter is the daylight is much less, meaning the sun rise later and set earlier! And my body really really gets affected by it. Whenever it is dark, the mood significantly goes down and you feel droopy. Plus most of the time, London weather tends to be cloudy the whole day. How desperate! One UK folk once I told him what I feel about London's weather he was just laughing. "Did you mean you feel you don't really want to live your life anymore, do you?" Haha guess he understood how it feels.

Temperature-wise, London is not that bad on the screen actually. It rarely goes down to 0 degree C or below. HOWEVER, even though sometimes (many times) it shows 5-8 degree, I feel deadly freezing! Why is that so? Is that because of the wind? One aspect yeah, but I also sometimes (actually this week mainly) I could also feel it even when I am in the house. Yesterday was just crazy, the heater was on but I could not stay without my coat, my gloves, and my duvet! Half dead, I searched what might cause this, because I was pretty sure I wasn't sick at all. Finally I found the answer. It is because of the humidity. Due to UK's geographical position, it has very humid air. Unlike in dry area like Canada, the chill feeling could be worst with humidity. Why is it so? Because water is a good temperature stabiliser. It is harder for our body to heat up or increase the temperature because with water it means more heat is needed. So, one said that 2 degree C in London could feel the same as -20 degree C in Winnipeg!

Come back to our first question: is London cold? YES, IT IS.
So whoever told you London is not cold, definitely don't trust it!

NB: Is London windy? TERRIBLY, especially nowadays. Plus it is cloudy most of the time. But is London rainy? Actually I personally say it is not really (compared to where I came from).

May the spring come faster.

Lotus Sutra

London, 27 Feb 2017 [21.31]

I am currently reading the Lotus Sutra or Saddharma Puṇḍarīka Sūtra.
Much thank you to people who have wholeheartedly passed through this sutra, and finally translated it into English which make me now be able to read it.
I have read around 2/3 of them, can't wait to finish it! The meaning is deep and not easy to understand, but also really rejoicing when we feel the true essense.
It inspires me a lot, enlighten me with joy and knowledge. I think whoever looking for life absolute meaning and highest happiness should really really read this sutra :)

Here is the download link. It's free!!

May we all become Buddha. Nammyohorengekyo.

List of movies that can make you reconsider your reality

I fancy watching mind-twisting movies. Many of them have changed the way I see this world. If you are a complicated mind like myself, perhaps you'll enjoy them as much as I do. So here is my favorite list so far:

1. Inception (2010)
2. Interstellar (2014)
3. The Matrix (1999)
4. V for Vendetta (2006)
5. Vanilla Sky (2001)
6. The Source Code (2011)
7. Lucy (2014)
8. Primer (2004)
9. The Thirteenth Floor (1999)
10. The Truman Show (1998)
11. Mr Nobody (2009)
12. Minority Report (2002)
13. The Prestige (2006)
14. Limitless (2011)
15. Revolver (2005)
16. Groundhog Day (1993)
17. Edge of Tomorrow (2014)
18. Shutter Island (2010)

I would update this list as time goes by. Perhaps I forgot some movies I've watched or I might just watch some more in the future.

mind temple of a PhD student

London, 1 February 2017 [13.27]
Guys Hospital

At the moment, I am sitting at my desk, trying to write down my upgrade report. There are so much information in my brain that I gathered from the reading plus some data I got from conducted experiments. All them, juggling mumbling around in random order upside down. I need to arrange them in a structured manner, reconnect all the relationships, synthesising into ideas and logical explanation.

image source: http://scaredofclownsgulp.deviantart.com/art/MIND-TEMPLE-FINAL-505549576

That is me, fighting within my own mind. I can do it.

Numb Toe

Yesterday suddenly I got this weird feeling at my right toe as if it has been frozen. It was indeed another cold day in winter, but I was in the house with my socks on! I ignored it until that didn't disappear until maybe 30 minutes at least. So I took off my sock and I was so shocked that my second right toe was pale as corpse. As reflect, I massaged it and warmed it up near the house heater. It didn't change a bit after even 10 minutes. OMG OMG I was so scared, I was afraid I would lose my toe. I also didn't know why, so I browsed the internet, hoping to find more explanation. The results I got were not too satisfying. I could not relate anything to my condition. Most of them said it was because of some tumour at the foot nerve or because of too much walking with bad shoes.

I was desperate, I already planned to contact the physiotherapist the next day, while trying to find nerve mapping of the foot and toes (maybe I was thinking to do personal accupressure). Well, out of sudden (until constant massaging and warming the foot for about 30 minutes), I saw my pale toe becoming pink again! Gosh I was so happy. Finally the numbness was gone and it became normal again. Fiuh, thanks universe.

How simple thing could ruin your life.
How we sometimes forget to appreciate little blessing we enjoy every second.

Little toe, a reminder :)

Understanding life

London, 15 Jan 2017 [20.01]

Been embarking on research field thoroughly for this past six months has made me conceive my other passion: research and science.  I learned chemistry and physics at school but only now I could understand the true meaning of them. Grasping this sudden enlightenment has left me amazed even more towards the universe.

I am thirsty of knowledge, I am starving to know, to know the answers of all mind-boggling questions inside my head. I have loads of loads of burning life quests, and thanks to the current technology, especially internet, we are all now can easily connected, thus bring me explanations much more instantly. Thank you for tons of kindhearted people who shared much useful information freely.
One thing I can say, I guess we are now in the process of creating a larger consciousness, just as the natural law of the universe: entropy is always increasing; and as the history showed us: the universe is growing into a more complex form. MARVELOUS :)

My Vegan Journey: 5 months update

London, 30 Dec 2016 [13.56]

It has been nearly 5 months since I started to go vegan. I never thought I could go this far. My first trial 5 months ago was just to give it a try and see how it goes. I did not push myself too hard, even until now. Surprisingly, I do enjoy it!

Well, I cannot say I am 100% vegan, my dietary status at this moment is 90% vegan and 10% vegetarian. Why? Because I still cannot avoid biscuits, etc that mostly contain milk and egg in their ingredients. Or sometimes I just can't avoid events where there were only vegetarian menu as another option. In those cases, I don't push it too extreme (yet).

Today I would like to focus more on the benefits that I feel after going through this new dietary lifestyle.

• I feel happier

I barely feel bad mood at all! That feels incredible! Once I stopped consuming those suffering souls (animal products) means I stopped putting their agony into myself. Say good bye to random sudden bad mood! Let's embrace pure joy shared by holy souls of the plants! Thanks goodness! :D

• My intuition is more sensible

All the signs from the universe suddenly look more clear! That delightful feeling when all your senses make more sense! Wohooo.. Fantastic!

• My digestion is so smooth!

I remember I used to suffer from that chronic constipation for my entire life! As long as I can remember, I had been living all my life in anguish for that bloody torture everyday. I used to take laxative to help me in some acute moments. Geez, believe me, that wasn't enjoyable. Now, my daily routine is much much pleasant! Happy tummy is happy life :D

• My hairloss reduces upto 90%

This is mind blowing for me. I used to suffer from quite severe hairloss everyday that I concerned being bald someday. I have tried so many shampoo for hair loss and they did not work. The only thing that helped reducing it was the hair tonic I applied on my scalp regularly. However, there are no such thing like hair tonic in the UK! Unbelievable! Previously, I have searched every corner of hair products in every supermarket and stores but nothing was there, any brand, NONE.

Devastated, I could only surrender. Then my vegan journey began. I just realised that actually my hair loss is now significantly reduced! OMG, I am beyond amazed. I guess, previously my body was toxicated by the animal products or just allergic to it. I am grateful becoming vegan.

• My skin glows

You will notice that every vegan has that glow! Natural skin glow, without any bb cream, cc cream, foundation whatsoever. All the nutrients our body need are there in the vegetables, fruits, and water! Our body literally is cheering up because their hard burden to cleanse the toxin we consumed before (from meat and dairy) just ceased! They are happy cells now, so they glow and looks pretty :D

• I am full of energy

Have you ever feel sluggish and lazy? I mean most of the time and do not really have some kind of energy both inside your body or mind to do work or simply live your life? I did, and I rarely feel the same nowadays :D Yes we still feel tiresome after the day and need sleep at night. I still feel exhausted after a tiring day and crave for a good night rest. But this is the interesting part, after charging our body and spirit during sleep, magically in the morning I feel that burst of good energy to continue life! Omg that is out of my sense at the beginning because I still remembered whining a bit at night before sleep and cursing the tiring work. Then in the morning I naively forgot those and was showered with positive energy to continue chasing my dream!
Not only that, I have more stamina to exercise too! I was turned on seeing the sunshine and allured to go out for running and enjoying that good vibes :D Exercising is not a torture anymore (like I used to feel before); it becomes an entertaining activity!

• My immune system is stronger

Excessive crisps snacking that causes sore throat can easily be cured by simply drinking warm lemon water! Haha. Trust me, that is real experience ;)
Let alone sick, my body is getting stronger. I can feel that healthy organs inside me! The soldiers (immune system) are more than ready to beat any bad intruders! Kind mutual symbions are welcome though ;)

In short, being a vegan uplift my entire quality of life into higher state. I am delightful and honoured to experience this wonderful feeling :D
So, my last message to you all...

London, I'm in love

London, 29 Dec 2016 [00:53]

It has been six months since that summer. I would like to say, "I fall deeper in love with this city!" :)

London has been giving me loads of dejavu, strange.
I still remember, the moment my airplane was about to land on Heathrow airport, that burst of delight flooded up inside me. The song 'Senorita' by Justin Timberlake was the playing in my earphones, a good vibe of new excitement was unbearable.

The air, the smell of the cold breeze, those rains and gloomy weather, the warm sun shine, the beautiful vanilla sky...altogether charade as magnificent beauty in my eyes.
Moreover, the classy architecture of the city is so bewitching for my old soul.

Here, slowly I am regaining my life; I mean my true and thorough meaning of life. My soul is remembering itself.

Universe is kind

London, 12 October 2016 [00.16]

I was born without anything
But I feel like I have everything
Indeed we all have everything
Universe is kind.

All I need can be fulfilled, not necessarily what I want
I fear none as universe is mine
and I am possessed by nobody but the universe itself
I am the universe, and so are we.

Actually, there is no 'me', myself is an illusion.
We are just perception, so called conciousness
Everyone and everything has conciousness
I feel it. Do try to feel it!

I talk to the trees and they talk to me
We are all connected because we are one.

I want to let you know that trees are generous
They are lovely and selfless, they just want to serve us their best
They cannot hate because they do not know how to hate
I do love them, and so do they.

Be grateful, try to see how blessed we are.
Breath, raise awareness.
Listen, see, smell, feel.
We are rich because all the energy is there and cannot be destroyed.

Nammyohorengekyo.

academic life - an update

London, 06 Oct 2016 [22:53]

Time? What is time?
If I try to think about it for a while, it feels so fast. My last three and a half months here feels nothing but like a snap. Literally, I have spent 1/10 of my study time here. How could I manage the remaining 9/10 to finish all the research and the thesis? Only future knows.
Let's not focus on that at the moment, shall we retrieve back to these past three months; what have I gained? Okay, let's make a list:
- Reading reading reading! Never have I ever in my life consuming these huge number of scientific journals regularly! By time, I learn how to effectively dig into those papers, understand the real meaning of them and extracting the essential data I need. Averagely now, I can read 10 papers in just couple of hours. Averagely before, I barely read any in a regular basis.
- Seminars, workshops, courses, symposiums, journal clubs! Surrounded by this highly academically intelligent community, leads me to the entirely different realm. I couldn't believe that science world has been this huge, that actually there are these many people who constantly pushing the limit of sorta what was unknown before. Slowly but sure, I have started to get the sense of how the scientific world really is.
- Biomaterials Lab! I have been working with several machines I didn't know exist before, such as Dynamic Mechanical Analysis machine, Differential Scanning Calorimetry, Fourier Transform Infrared spectroscopy, etc. By this time, I feel like being half material engineer really. To understand how the principle behind those tests, how to manage the testing parameters, and finally analise the results, is particularly quite a struggle. I have been digging into chemistry and physics much deeper that I have ever done in my life. Well, at the moment, I'm still striving though. However, it did hit me with some enlightenment I didn't know before. This really really stretching my limit. Oh by the way, I have been certified to handle liquid nitrogen which is quite cool I think, even though it means I risk my life everytime I have to work with that particular substance.
- Tissue Culture Lab! This is still not that much, yet. I am currently in the middle of the induction, which has many stages. Well, this is also a new realm. Here I am learning how to handle cells, how to breed them, seeing them, counting them, analysing them and working with several chemicals and machines I never touched before. Currently, I am playing with human osteosarcoma cell lines for practice as they are abundant in numbers and particularly easy to grow. Later on, I wish to play with some stem cells and osteoblasts on my material. Long way to go!

Bob's your uncle!

Well, perhaps not really. I just briefly summarised them. A part of them, I gained much valuable things and insights of life I can't really describe, not because I don't want to, but rather too complex to elaborate.

In terms of feeling, this study does pump my heart quite hard as what I had during my previous undergrad research and the clinical training during dental school (a.k.a koass). Damn, actually I hate that pressure. It's mentally uncomfortable. But that's how growth feels like, isn't it? Always painful, never actually happens in comfort zone.

Closing remarks, I surrender myself merely to the fate that I have. I have no idea how everything will eventually go, it usually leads to a complete surprise. All I can say is, I feel grateful for having all the opportunity that has been given to me. Being able to see the world in a completely different way is a bliss :)

I am going vegan

Approximately last fortnight ago, I accidentally saw piles of disgusting pictures about animal cruelty behind our daily consumed food in one of my facebook friend’s timeline. Well, it did nauseate myself quite bad and I ended up swimming into tons of information of the food industry facts that I didn’t reckon before.

Ready eat meals are quite, if might say very, expensive here in London. So I prepare and cook almost every meal that I have everyday. There are several moments since I live here that I found the taste of the meat, either beef of chicken, blant. I did not find them tasty, but rather ruining my taste. The smell and the texture, somehow, sicken me.

Me myself was not particularly a big fan of meat either back then, I’ve been undergoing quite a healthy lifestyle with lots of vegs and fruits. However, I still thought that I need the proteins and nutrients from the meat, and I quite fancy some taste of them which are delicious such as salmon sashimi, etc; so I still consumed them routinely in my diet.

Yet, after doing some deep research about veganism, it gave me the new idea that actually we’re completely able to gain those essential nutrients from the plant-based sources! And the fact is there are many many people that actually benefit more after they’ve been undergoing the vegan lifestyle. They confide that they become more positive, energetic, less sluggish, loose weight, their skin become glowing, and they feel even more connected to the universe. Some male vegan could still grow great muscles, even better; and girls just have the lean body effortlessly, which was dreadfully toilsome before.

I don’t push myself too much for this, really. It happens naturally as it is more like a life call. I know my family and perhaps many of u, would not support this new lifestyle I am going to encounter, but I have committed myself to practice such kind of conscious-eating to myself. I would still respect your kind invitation to savour yummy dishes, albeit I would perhaps would not enjoy them as much since the loud painful process of the lives sacrificing behind the meal would keep reciting in my mind while I’m consuming them.

So here I am, doing what feels good to me :)

Efektivitas! Kunci penting untuk produktif

Tidak terasa telah hampir dua bulan saya sekarang berada di London. Banyak rekan saya di Indonesia bertanya, apakah saya sudah kangen rumah alias homesick? Saya selalu bilang belum. Bahkan, anehnya saya merasa sangat nyaman dan tidak asing di sini. Banyak orang mewanti-wanti akan adanya culture shock di tempat baru; well, to be honest, di Indonesia saya malah kerap merasakan culture stress! Mengapa saya katakan begitu? Akan saya jelaskan berikutnya. Perlu saya sampaikan bahwa saya tidak sedang menjadi seorang yang tidak cinta tanah air, tetapi saya ingin memberikan gambaran fakta yang mana perlu kita jadikan bahan evaluasi diri agar menjadi bangsa yang lebih baik ke depannya. Banyak alasan yang membuat saya merasa sangat nyaman di London, saya pun tidak bisa mengelaborasinya secara jelas, tapi saya merasakannya! Berikut saya sampaikan salah satu di antaranya, yaitu tentang efektivitas. Alasan-alasan lain akan saya elaborasi di post terpisah di lain kesempatan ketika saya dapat inspirasi lagi ya :)

Orang-orang di sini suka bekerja efektif. Berikut adalah contoh riil yang saya alami. Saya memiliki dua orang supervisor yang mana salah satunya adalah kepala departemen yang sangat-sangat sibuk, sebut saja Prof A. Beliau memiliki sekretaris pribadi yang selalu mengatur jadwal beliau. Di tengah kesibukan mereka, saya dan kedua supervisor saya menyetujui untuk mengadakan regular joint meeting setiap satu kali dalam sebulan yang tanggal dan waktunya disesuaikan. Dikarenakan Prof A sangat sibuk, saya disarankan untuk mencari waktu kosong Prof A terlebih dahulu baru mencocokkannya dengan jadwal supervisor saya yang satu lagi, sebut saja Dr B, yang tidak sesibuk Prof A. Saya lantas menyampaikan hal tersebut dengan sekretaris Prof A untuk mencarikan saya tanggal di setiap bulannya untuk regular joint meeting tersebut. Karena saya tidak ingin merepotkan sang sekretaris yang pastinya sudah sangat sibuk, saya menawarkan diri bahwa setelah dia memberikan beberapa pilihan tanggal kosong Prof A, saya akan menghubungi Dr B untuk mencari tanggal yang pas untuk keduanya lalu barulah saya mengkonfirmasi tanggal tersebut ke sekretaris Prof A untuk mem-booking tanggal dan waktu tersebut untuk meeting kami. Luar biasa, sang sekretaris mengatakan bahwa dia saja yang akan mem-propose tanggal kosong Prof A ke Dr B dan setelah dia mendapatkan tanggal pasti di mana keduanya dapat hadir, barulah dia tinggal memberikan tanggal tersebut ke saya. Dia berkata bahwa percuma saja jika dia memberikan saya tanggal Prof A dan saya harus repot bolak balik ke Dr B lalu ke dia lagi untuk konfirmasi. Wow! Suatu inisiatif yang tidak saya ekspektasi sebelumnya sama sekali! Yah saya tahu bahwa itu merupakan hal yang lebih efektif, namun tentu saya tidak ingin lancang menyuruhnya untuk melakukan hal tersebut karena akan menambah beban kerjanya dengan harus mengkonfirmasi tanggal ke Dr B juga, kan dia adalah sekretaris Prof A. Saya sangat suka pola berpikir sang sekretaris! Yang penting efektif, tidak perlu merepotkan banyak pihak.

Saya membayangkan dan teringat betapa parahnya sikap para petugas administratif di berbagai institusi di Indonesia! Yah saya yakin kalian semua pasti pernah mengalami sistem birokrasi yang berliku-liku dan rumit. Saya sering sekali geleng-geleng kepala dan mengelus dada jika melihat efektivitas dan produktivitas para pekerja itu. Banyak sekali waktu dan sumber daya yang terbuang sia-sia, yang mana sebenarnya pekerjaan mudah dapat diselesaikan dalam waktu singkat namun berakhir pelik karena tidak adanya kepedulian satu sama lain untuk mencapai suatu tujuan bersama. Berapa dari kalian yang pernah merasa di-pingpong oleh petugas-petugas birokrasi itu dan kalian harus bolak-balik tidak karuan padahal jika mereka bisa berkomunikasi internal, semua hal tersebut tidak harus terjadi? Para petugas masing-masing divisi pasti biasanya akan hanya peduli dengan pekerjaannya sendiri, dan tidak peduli dengan efektivitas secara holistik. Bayangkan jika sekretaris Prof A tadi jika kondisinya di Indonesia, hampir pasti dia tidak akan mau jika harus disuruh mengkonfirmasi juga ke Dr B baru memberi tahu saya tanggalnya, boro-boro inisiatif menawarkan diri.

Kejadian seperti ini tidak hanya terjadi sekali seperti ini, namun pernah juga di lain kasus yang akan terlalu panjang jika saya ceritakan kembali. Saya rasa dari penjelasan di atas kalian sudah mendapatkan esensi efektivitas dan produktivitas yang saya maksud. Akhir kata, saya adalah orang yang cinta bekerja efektif. Saya tidak tahan (bahkan dengan diri sendiri) jika saya tidak efektif, baik dalam hal sekecil apapun. Semoga Indonesia perlahan dapat berubah ke arah yang lebih baik, saya melihat ada harapan dengan beberapa pemimpin kita saat ini :)

I am a student (again)

Heyyaa... Here I am again!

Hey, you know what? I am now a student, AGAIN! Haha.. what a surprise!
And you know what else? I am now in London!! Weeheee...!
Alright, behave Liz, behave... Remember, lady-like ;)

Well, I've actually been here for quite some time, it's been one and a half month!! Blimey!
Yeah I know, I'm always late to write here. But, it means it gives me more things to share, doesn't it? ;)

Okay, highlight of the topic, which actually perhaps you would most likely have known this information, I am now studying Dentistry Research (MPhil/PhD) at King's College London.

There I was, still excited to take a selfie with my beloved uni on my first visit.

Pardon my stray hair which might be annoying, London is so windy!

So practically, my study is research-based which focuses on creating a novel tissue-engineered construct to substitute bone in the field of maxillofacial surgery.

Yeah, I have embarked on a new boat! Sailing over from a clinical work to a more scientific one.

Many people asked me why I finally choose this kind of study. The answer is simple, yet having quite complex story. In short, because it's exciting to learn something new!

Haha well, it's got more story to be revealed actually. Let's dig it, shall we? ;)

----------------------

Once upon a time, this girl named Lilis who has just graduated from the dental school, was then continue working as a dental general practitioner in a private clinic. She loved her job, however, she felt a bit bored doing the routine job in a small room. She always loves surgery, yet just feel fine with anything else in the field.

Then she left for an internship in Seoul, South Korea for almost three months. She worked at one huge dental hospital assisting dentists who worked strenously everyday. Throughout this period, she had been in a huge dilemma over her next stage of life she should take. She couldn't even count how many sleepless nights she had been through during those time. The predicament was that she really wants to be an oral and maxillofacial surgeon, yet she would also like to study abroad which is extremely expensive and competitive. Then she realized one essential thing, she doesn't want to work ONLY as a practitioner, she would also love to have another world such as a career in university or research. Yeah that! Then why not trying to become a researcher as well?! It is more feasible to reach that dream at this point. She could still manage to take after her surgery passion afterwards or if this plan didn't work, right? Then she started to draw her plan, her well-structured plan for her future.

She thinks, working only as a practitioner, either dentist or surgeon, is like a labour. Once she stops working, she'll not paid. And, it's very physical-oriented which would consume her time and energy so much. And that job requires her to be fully focused, thus is not expedient to be done long term until her retirement age. As an active person who could never stand being idle, of course she would need to prepare other alternative.

Alright, that's the egocentric side. Let's explore other benefit in a more benevolent point of view.

By becoming a researcher or academia, she'll also contribute more to the society. Well, it might sound fable, but it's true. From the deepest of her heart, she wants to become a woman of value. She cares about money, as everyone does, but that is not the utmost important substance of life. She wants to find her destiny. And she feels right about it, so she would give it a try.

Long story short, she found the study opportunity at King's and applied for the scholarship. Eventually, after long and vigorous struggle, she made it. This is her way, it's been opened.

-----------To be continued-----------

Well guys, that's the part of the complicated story! Haha, hope you didn't fell asleep :P

Being here, encountering this new life.. just feel right for me. I can't explain why or how, it's something in me that knows its own fate. This endevour is not easy, but if I have been led here, should I be led to wrap it as well? I'm keeping that faith in my mind.

Shall everyone of us discover our own destiny.

~Liz

Laughing Soul Friends

On my 20-something right now, I realize one thing about friendship: You have different kind of friendships towards different kind of groups of friends. (Okay, there were too many ofs there :p)

Yeah but it's true, isn't it? Different group of friends, different style of social activities and topic of conversation you have. Some friends are all about work, work, and work, well in my case because I'm a dentist then some friends can only get along with when we talk about teeth, patients, and all things around that; some are all about guys and relationships; some are so into spiritual and metaphysical stuffs. In the other hand, there is this one group of so-called crazy people who can always push your maximum LOL button. Today, I will only focus on the latest type of friendship, the "crazy one". 

There are still soooo many types of friendship we can have, I will not discuss those at this moment, maybe later, maybe ;) It doesn't mean that I don't enjoy other kinds of friendship, all kinds of those are completing and balancing each other. I enjoy all. But I specially do love people I can be crazy with :D

So, let me introduce my CRAZIEST friends ever: The Thirteens :D

Can you spot which one is me? Ok, let's try again.

Hahahaha ok I guess now you can see me. Yes, we are that crazy, we are that rude :p

I had written about them quite a long time ago when I was in high school here (pardon my old cheezy teen writing style :P). Those pics up there were old photos too, these days become so difficult to gather 13 girls all together because we live in different places, here is the most updated and the best try we could do so far:

Once I ever heard that we have three types of friends in life: friends for a reason, friends for a season, and friends for a lifetime. I know that we are friends for a lifetime :)

xx,
Liz

Master Cheng Yen and Lotus Sutra

I have this unique habit that when I'm having my meal in my room, I always watch TV. My favorite TV stations are Metro TV and DAAI TV. Metro TV gives me a lot of update about this whole world, especially this country; and DAAI TV supplies me with peace within my spirit.

Since I watched DAAI TV, I felt in love with this one person "Master Cheng Yen". Falling in love here doesn't mean I love her in a romantic way, but rather than I really really like her as a person! I love all her teaching, her character, her aura, her attitute, and her deeds. Who doen't know her? (Maybe some people :P) She is the founder of Tzu Chi Foundation, the Buddhist philanthropic organization that has done a numerous amount of social movements all over the world. There she is...

She is known as "Mother Theresa of Asia" due to her virtue towards international disaster relief, environmental protection, community volunteering and many other virtuous actions.

Believe it or not, Master Cheng Yen is now 78 years old! Oh... She doesn't look like one. I guess I need to learn from her how to be that ageless.

Actually in DAAI TV, I only look for programs that she appears in, such as "Lentera Kehidupan" or "Master Cheng Yen Bercerita". Somehow, when I listened to her... my peaceful spirit inside emerged abruptly. I could feel her soothing charismatic aura full of compassion and love. Her Dharma teaching touched my soul, and I believe she has touched a lot of people's spirit too. What a gorgeous and honorable capability! When the melancholic side of me is in a very sensitive state (it happens some time, I don't know, maybe hormonal cause), I even cried listening to her teaching. I believe to have this kind of ability to touch other's personal button like this ain't no a tiny skill! She must have reached some kind of high spiritual holy stage.

I am a Buddhist. I was much taught about Lotus Sutra (Saddharmapundarika / Myoho Renge Kyo), specifically in Nichiren Buddhism. I chant Nammyohorengekyo. I learned this Buddhist teaching since I was little, my parents are the believers of this religion. Shortly, this religion teaching is based on Sakyamuni Buddha's lattest Sutra, called the Lotus Sutra (You may find out more details here) that are developed more by Nichiren Buddha that apparently lived in Japan.

I don't really know Master Cheng Yen's Buddhism basic (since Buddha Dharma itself has a lot of streams and sects). However, when I listened to Master Cheng Yen's teaching, I found out that her teaching is really similar to what I heard in Nichiren Buddhism, such as the term of "emerging earth Bodhisattva", "three poisons", "heaven and hell inside our mind" and "emerge the Buddha soul within you". Then I tried to searched her biography and I read that her primary learned sutra was the Lotus Sutra. It is written that Master Cheng Yen's initial exposure to the Lotus Sutra happened when she abandoned her earthly (and reasonably wealthy) family in Taiwan and stayed away from the world by lodging in a small hut then accidentally found a Japanese version of the Lotus Sutra, and was pleased with what the book said. Later, she had a friend bring back a Japanese copy of the Lotus Sutra (Myoho Renge Kyo) from Japan, and was immensely enlightened by it.

So, no wonder that her teaching is not so different from what I learned in Nichiren Buddhism, they have the same basic source, the Lotus Sutra :D

Okay now folks, I have told you a loooongg story about my current thought. I hope you didn't get bored, hehehe. I am not a religious person, not that type of person who go to the temple so often, nor an activist of the Buddhist organization of what. Anyhow, I do respect and love to comprehend Buddha Dharma, that teaches me about this mysterious life we are now dwelling in.