Unconditional Love

I have been asking what love is. For my entire life.

Now I think I know what it is.

Why are we rejecting the love we receive?

Why are we hiding the love we feel?

Why are we so attached to the object of love itself?

Is that really love?

When you love… you will not control

When you love… you do not expect something back

When you love… you let them free.

Sometimes our love is too much… or so we think.

Sometimes we just want to protect them from danger… or so we think.

Aren’t you just feeling insecure?

Aren’t you just afraid of being unloved-back?

Look around.

Have you not seen the love given by others?

Have you not acknowledged their gifts?

Have you loved them back?

Look inside.

Have you not acknowledged your feelings?

Have you been suppressing the love?

Or… have you been feeling guilty for loving?

Remember to love. Unconditionally. Including to ourselves.

London, 24th June 2019

Jangan salahkan aku, ini aku

Aku ini hanya tak tahu.

Dan aku ingin tahu.

Aku bertanya untuk menemukan cahaya,

agar kita bisa berdiskusi dari sana.

Janganlah kau merasa tersinggung

Aku tidak menyerangmu

Aku hanya ingin buktinya

Agar kubisa yakin, bahwa itu tak palsu.

Aku memang bukan orang yang penuh kehangatan

Ya, tak mudah kau beli rasa hormatku

Kau harus melewati ujian berat,

guna membuktikan kualitasmu.

Wahai kalian para pejuang.

Jangan malah kau salahkan aku

Yang memberimu ujian ini.

Bukan salahku jika kau tak lulus.

Belajarlah lagi dan cobalah lagi lebih baik.

Tahukah kamu,

Bahwa di balik tembok baja itu

Oasis nan indah sedang menunggu.

London, 20 Juli 2019 di malam biru

Pembelajaran Diri

Mungkin caraku bukan cara terbijak

Mereka juga manusia

Minimal kuharus bisa menghormati usahanya

Tanpa melihat apa hasilnya

Ya, kau benar.

Aku mungkin perlu berbenah

Bukan berarti aku harus setuju

Tapi tak perlu lah kupermalukan mereka.

Kuharus belajar lebih bijak

Untuk bisa melihat potensi kerusakan akibat ego mereka yang mungkin terusik

Kuharus sadar dan realistis

Bahwa mereka itu juga manusia, yang punya kebutuhan egonya.

Tak apalah mereka tak berpikiran terbuka.

Memang tak mudah untuk bisa berlapang dada.

Jadi harap maklumlah…

Dan hargai perasaan mereka.

Jika semua orang ingin dimengerti

Siapa yang akan mengerti aku?

Ah sudahlah, Lilis Kecil….

Tak usah berekspektasi untuk dipahami.

Tak apalah menjadi yang paling dewasa! Berbanggalah!

London, 20 Juli 2019 di malam sunyi

Things you need to know before starting a PhD

London, 10th June 2018

Hi, I would like to share my thought about some considerations before you start a PhD study. As I am writing this, I am at the end of my second year of my PhD at King’s College London. I reckon that some of you are interested in pursuing similar journey since I have been getting questions recently. So, let’s get started! :)

Why

You might be thinking of pursuing a PhD in a certain field which is of your interest. Nevertheless, there is a very important question you need to ask yourself: “Why would I want to be a PhD?”

This is very crucial that people tend to forget; find your genuine motivation and reasons! Is it:

• to get promoted in your current academic job?
• to learn deeper into interesting subject you are passionate about?
• to pursue career in research?
• due to your dream to invent something extraordinary?
• due to your dream to solve problems you concern about?
• merely due to the love of your intellectual pursuits?
• etc. (Find it!)

Somehow, it must be worth your attention, time and interest!

How

Now that you have decided to get a PhD. You should know how to get it, right? Here are the processes you can expect:

• Surf deep into the field (engage yourself into it, allow some time)
• Prepare a research proposal (not always necessarily though, if you are joining existing project in a research group)
• List and target certain experts in the field (stalk their work!)
• Contact candidate supervisors and discuss about the potential project with them
• Consider about your funding source: research grant from your supervisors, from an industrial company, from a charity body, from government, or self-funded. The latest is not recommended though, there are so many funding available for conducting research, why should you pay by yourself?!
• If the supervisors say yes, go ahead to the university application processes and quote their names as your potential supervisors (of course, you must also fulfill all the documents and standard requirements from the university)
• Skype/phone-call or direct interviews with the supervisors
• Decision by the university and supervisors
• If accepted, the letter of acceptance (LoA) should be issued from the university (be patient, their internal process usually takes some time)
• Find your funding! (if not yet have one)

Regarding funding, my tips are:

• Prepare the funding application simultaneously with your university’s as it will save you time.
• If possible, get the LoA beforehand so that your overhead stake to secure the funding is higher.

What

PhD stands for Doctor of Philosophy. Why is it called philosophy even though not every PhD was studying philosophy? Because a PhD must be able to think original, be engaged in philosophical problems and provide discovery/solution/suggestion/explanation to the core roots of the problems. In this sense, you are considered mastering the philosophy of that very specific field.

The study:

PhD is not a short journey; normally it is around 3 to 4 years in total for full time students in the UK, whilst in some other countries it might extent up to 5 or even more years. At the beginning, you will conduct some literature reviews and/or pilot study to sharpen the research questions. At the same time, it is quite important to attend some courses to enhance the skills as a researcher, such as statistics, academic writing, project management, basic technical skill specific to each field, etc.

In MPhil/PhD system, after 9 to 18 months of the study (the period might vary in different university and department), you will have to show to the thesis committee that you are able to conduct and finish the PhD project. To do so, you must write a short upgrade report containing the project proposal with clear plan and timeline. On the upgrade exam day, you need to present it in front of the thesis committee. A thesis committee usually consists of the supervisors, one or two other experts in related field and a postgraduate coordinator (if applicable). Only after you pass that upgrade process, the ‘MPhil/PhD student’ status is changed to a legitimate ‘PhD student’, first milestone!

After the upgrade, it’s time to start (or continue) the experimentation or data collection! This stage usually lasts two years or so, mixed with conferences, (hopefully) writing (and submitting) some paper(s).

When your supervisors think you have done enough for a PhD, then usually you can focus on the thesis write-up (though the thesis writing process can also be done as you go along with the project).

When you and your supervisors are happy with the thesis, then you can submit it to the college. After that, you are ready for your thesis viva, normally in the next several months after submission.
The viva is a very crucial moment where you are going to discuss your PhD project in depth with external experts related to your thesis topic. You must be able to demonstrate the originality and novelty of your thesis with holistic understanding to your examiners. Only by showing the original contribution to the field then someone is worth a PhD title! Sounds daunting, doesn’t it?! But, here is one stat which hopefully can ease your (and my) fear: people say 99% percent of the PhD students who eventually submit their thesis will pass it. The real struggle, really is on the process before submitting! Obviously, if your relationship with your supervisors is fairly good then they will not let you submit unless they are sure that you will pass; their reputation is on stake too! There are several decisions after the viva that can happen:

• You pass without correction (very rarely)
• You pass with minor correction (mostly expected)
• You pass with major correction
• You pass with a ‘Master’ degree instead
• You fail completely (very unlikely)

Obviously, the first is the most desirable one. However, minor correction is fine. So, if you need to do some correction, you will have one up to six months for revising the thesis and re-submit. And... you are a PhD by then! Well done, time for graduation ceremony! :D

Okay folks, that’s it for now. I hope this short sharing can help some people to get their PhD dream! Once again, it is not a short journey (and of course not an easy one!). However, the fulfillment is deep and satisfying if you really enjoy the process. From what I have learned so far, it is not only a training to do research, but also a life changing moment where you can ponder upon your life! Are you still thinking (or starting to think) to do a PhD? ;)

Best wishes,

Lilis

Lilis Iskandar a PhD student at Tissue Engineering and Biophotonics, Dental Institute, King’s College London who started her research on tissue engineering for bone augmentation in oral and maxillofacial surgery in July 2016. Wish her luck with the remaining of her study! Bless you :)

Second Attempt LPDP Awardee: Untuk bisa kuliah S3, tidak harus S2 terlebih dahulu, dan itu legal

London, 29 Mar 2017 [22.09]

Hai saya ingin berbagi cerita sendikit. Cerita ini sudah lama saya tulis, kira-kira satu tahun lalu saya berhasil menjadi awardee LPDP untuk studi saya sekarang. Cerita ini saya buat karena angkatan saya saat itu ingin membuat antologi kisah perjuangan para awardee. Namun apakah akhirnya antologi tersebut akhirnya dipublikasi atau tidak, saya kurang tahu karena tidak ada kabar lanjutannya. So, saya share di sini saja ya. Barangkali bisa membantu kalian yang punya kebingungan yang sama dengan dengan saya dulu.

----------------------------------------------------

“Hai Lilis, kamu diterima kuliah di London ya? Ambil apa? S2 ya?”

“Saya ambil S3, akan meneliti tentang bahan tulang untuk bedah mulut.”

“Lho? Belum S2 memang bisa langsung S3?!”

Itulah pertanyaan tipikal yang sangat sering saya jumpai. Dan saya ingin klarifikasi sekali lagi “YA, BISA LANGSUNG S3 (PhD) tanpa harus S2 (Master), tergantung syarat masuk universitas dan jurusan yang kita daftar.”

Sebelumnya perkenalkan, saya adalah seorang dokter gigi, lulusan Fakultas Kedokteran Gigi Universitas Indonesia (FKG UI) angkatan 2009, menyelesaikan studi S1/SKG (Sarjana Kedokteran Gigi) pada tahun 2012, selesai profesi (drg) pada tahun 2014. Kecintaan saya terhadap riset dan bedah mendorong saya untuk melanjutkan pendidikan Dentistry Research di King’s College London.

Kembali ke contoh skenario yang saya paparkan di pembukaan, percaya atau tidak, hal tersebut HAMPIR SELALU terjadi, bahkan juga terjadi di 2x proses interview LPDP yang pernah saya jalani. Sedikit saya ceritakan tentang proses selama mengikuti seleksi LPDP.

First Attempt: Seleksi LPDP batch IV 2015

Wawancara berlangsung normal, saya ditanya tentang visi, pengalaman riset, alasan mengambil jurusan dan universitas tujuan, dll. Semua berjalan lancar, hingga di momen akhir muncullah pertanyaan itu, “Loh kamu belum S2? Kenapa langsung S3?” Saya menjelaskan bahwa itu memungkinkan. Namun, interviewer berkata bahwa LPDP tidak dapat mengakomodir karena syarat untuk memperoleh beasiswa S3 harus ada ijazah S2. Saya pun diberi saran dari para interviewer untuk pindah jurusan saja ke S2 atau jika tetap bersikukuh mau S3 berarti harus mencari beasiswa lain.

Sekejap saya menjadi lesu, saya hanya mendaftarkan diri 1 universitas dengan 1 jurusan ini saja, saya tidak mendaftar ke tempat lain dan saya sudah mantap dengan pilihan ini karena sesuai dengan visi saya ke depan, yakni menjadi dosen dan peneliti di bidang bedah mulut. Akhirnya, di hari pengumuman hasil, saya tidak lolos seleksi substantif.

Idle time

Sejak gagalnya perjuangan saya di seleksi LPDP pertama, sudah tidak terpikir lagi untuk mencoba kembali karena telah mengetahui bahwa saya tidak mungkin lolos dengan kondisi seperti ini. Saya lalu fokus mencari back-up plan, yakni mencari beasiswa lain ini dan plan B untuk mendaftar studi spesialis bedah mulut di universitas dalam negeri.

Mencari sumber beasiswa tidak mudah, berbagai informasi sudah saya kumpulkan dan hasilnya nihil. Intinya saya hampir mengalami jalan buntu untuk mengatasi kendala biaya untuk mewujudkan mimpi studi S3 tersebut.

Suatu hari, teman seperjuangan saya di seleksi LPDP batch IV 2015 lalu yang berhasil lolos, di hari PK-nya mem-post broadcast di grup angkatan FKG UI 2009 tentang kemungkinan LPDP membuka peluang beasiswa pendidikan spesialis dokter gigi. Kemudian saya mengubungi teman saya itu untuk mengkonfirmasi kebenarannya, dari sini cerita berikutnya akan berlanjut.

Setelah ngobrol tentang beasiswa spesialis, teman saya memberitahukan kabar mengejutkan lainnya, yakni ada salah satu teman PK-nya yang merupakan lulusan S1 dan mendapatkan beasiswa LPDP untuk studi S3 di Australia. Ketika ia menceritakan kasus saya, temannya kaget, karena selama wawancara tidak disinggung sama sekali perihal belum S2. Kemudian kami berkesimpulan bahwa saya kurang beruntung di seleksi yang pertama dan saya harus mencoba lagi di seleksi LPDP berikutnya.

Second Attempt: Seleksi LPDP batch I 2016

Akhirnya saya submit dokumen yang sama dengan sebelumnya, nothing to lose. Seleksi dokumen puji syukur berhasil lolos. Akhirnya masuklah ke tahap wawancara, dan pertanyaan (pertama) yang muncul adalah (lagi-lagi) “Loh kamu daftar S3 ya, S2 nya belum?” Namun bedanya kali ini saya sudah lebih siap menjawab dan beruntungnya, salah satu interviewer saya ada yang paham mengenai perbedaan sistem pendidikan di UK dan Indonesia, beliau membantu menjelaskan juga mengenai hal tersebut (sepertinya beliau pernah mengalami hal yang sama). Akhirnya perihal tersebut beres dan lanjut interview ke pembahasan mendalam tentang studi dan penelitian saya nantinya.

Hari pengumuman pun tiba, 10 Maret 2016. Tak terkira perasaan rasa senang saya ketika membaca email yang menyatakan saya LULUS seleksi substantif LPDP. Puji syukur, saya sangat berterima kasih atas kesempatan yang diberikan untuk melanjutkan studi ini. Semoga kelak saya dapat berkontribusi maksimal untuk memajukan dunia riset di Indonesia, khususnya bidang kedokteran gigi. Jadi, bagi teman-teman yang belum beruntung pada seleksi pertama, jangan patah semangat dan tetap berusaha. Semoga cita-cita kita bersama untuk memajukan Indonesia dapat terwujud J

Who said London is not cold?

London, 3 March 2017 [24.06]

I remember before I came here last year, many people told me London is not that cold, it does not even snow. However, it is windy and rainy they said. But I guess the later has got something to do with the former. So, is London cold?

Winter has still got more than a month to officially pass, but I am already tired of winter since last month. Let me explain why. First of all, maybe you might think mainly because of the coldness. Well, it is one of them; but really, it is actually the darkness that kills me more. Born and raised in tropical country, I used to have fairly rich of sunshine everyday, approximately 12 hours everyday all month all year, and I wasn't a big fan of it. First time experiencing the full winter at the northern hemisphere of the earth, I do learn appreciating the grace from our sun much more.
We are indeed primitive being, fully controlled by the chemistry and electricity inside our body, one of them is the circadian rhythm a.k.a. our biological clock! Over billions of years, each cells of our body has evolved so much, yet still retain its native traits to control their lives (our life as well!) by simply depending on sunlight stimulus. We know the trees and some animals will hibernate during winter and wake up again at spring. Everyday most of us go to sleep when it's dark and wake up in the morning. Problem with winter is the daylight is much less, meaning the sun rise later and set earlier! And my body really really gets affected by it. Whenever it is dark, the mood significantly goes down and you feel droopy. Plus most of the time, London weather tends to be cloudy the whole day. How desperate! One UK folk once I told him what I feel about London's weather he was just laughing. "Did you mean you feel you don't really want to live your life anymore, do you?" Haha guess he understood how it feels.

Temperature-wise, London is not that bad on the screen actually. It rarely goes down to 0 degree C or below. HOWEVER, even though sometimes (many times) it shows 5-8 degree, I feel deadly freezing! Why is that so? Is that because of the wind? One aspect yeah, but I also sometimes (actually this week mainly) I could also feel it even when I am in the house. Yesterday was just crazy, the heater was on but I could not stay without my coat, my gloves, and my duvet! Half dead, I searched what might cause this, because I was pretty sure I wasn't sick at all. Finally I found the answer. It is because of the humidity. Due to UK's geographical position, it has very humid air. Unlike in dry area like Canada, the chill feeling could be worst with humidity. Why is it so? Because water is a good temperature stabiliser. It is harder for our body to heat up or increase the temperature because with water it means more heat is needed. So, one said that 2 degree C in London could feel the same as -20 degree C in Winnipeg!

Come back to our first question: is London cold? YES, IT IS.
So whoever told you London is not cold, definitely don't trust it!

NB: Is London windy? TERRIBLY, especially nowadays. Plus it is cloudy most of the time. But is London rainy? Actually I personally say it is not really (compared to where I came from).

May the spring come faster.

Lotus Sutra

London, 27 Feb 2017 [21.31]

I am currently reading the Lotus Sutra or Saddharma Puṇḍarīka Sūtra.
Much thank you to people who have wholeheartedly passed through this sutra, and finally translated it into English which make me now be able to read it.
I have read around 2/3 of them, can't wait to finish it! The meaning is deep and not easy to understand, but also really rejoicing when we feel the true essense.
It inspires me a lot, enlighten me with joy and knowledge. I think whoever looking for life absolute meaning and highest happiness should really really read this sutra :)

Here is the download link. It's free!!

May we all become Buddha. Nammyohorengekyo.