mind temple of a PhD student

London, 1 February 2017 [13.27]
Guys Hospital

At the moment, I am sitting at my desk, trying to write down my upgrade report. There are so much information in my brain that I gathered from the reading plus some data I got from conducted experiments. All them, juggling mumbling around in random order upside down. I need to arrange them in a structured manner, reconnect all the relationships, synthesising into ideas and logical explanation.

image source: http://scaredofclownsgulp.deviantart.com/art/MIND-TEMPLE-FINAL-505549576

That is me, fighting within my own mind. I can do it.

Numb Toe

Yesterday suddenly I got this weird feeling at my right toe as if it has been frozen. It was indeed another cold day in winter, but I was in the house with my socks on! I ignored it until that didn't disappear until maybe 30 minutes at least. So I took off my sock and I was so shocked that my second right toe was pale as corpse. As reflect, I massaged it and warmed it up near the house heater. It didn't change a bit after even 10 minutes. OMG OMG I was so scared, I was afraid I would lose my toe. I also didn't know why, so I browsed the internet, hoping to find more explanation. The results I got were not too satisfying. I could not relate anything to my condition. Most of them said it was because of some tumour at the foot nerve or because of too much walking with bad shoes.

I was desperate, I already planned to contact the physiotherapist the next day, while trying to find nerve mapping of the foot and toes (maybe I was thinking to do personal accupressure). Well, out of sudden (until constant massaging and warming the foot for about 30 minutes), I saw my pale toe becoming pink again! Gosh I was so happy. Finally the numbness was gone and it became normal again. Fiuh, thanks universe.

How simple thing could ruin your life.
How we sometimes forget to appreciate little blessing we enjoy every second.

Little toe, a reminder :)

Understanding life

London, 15 Jan 2017 [20.01]

Been embarking on research field thoroughly for this past six months has made me conceive my other passion: research and science.  I learned chemistry and physics at school but only now I could understand the true meaning of them. Grasping this sudden enlightenment has left me amazed even more towards the universe.

I am thirsty of knowledge, I am starving to know, to know the answers of all mind-boggling questions inside my head. I have loads of loads of burning life quests, and thanks to the current technology, especially internet, we are all now can easily connected, thus bring me explanations much more instantly. Thank you for tons of kindhearted people who shared much useful information freely.
One thing I can say, I guess we are now in the process of creating a larger consciousness, just as the natural law of the universe: entropy is always increasing; and as the history showed us: the universe is growing into a more complex form. MARVELOUS :)

My Vegan Journey: 5 months update

London, 30 Dec 2016 [13.56]

It has been nearly 5 months since I started to go vegan. I never thought I could go this far. My first trial 5 months ago was just to give it a try and see how it goes. I did not push myself too hard, even until now. Surprisingly, I do enjoy it!

Well, I cannot say I am 100% vegan, my dietary status at this moment is 90% vegan and 10% vegetarian. Why? Because I still cannot avoid biscuits, etc that mostly contain milk and egg in their ingredients. Or sometimes I just can't avoid events where there were only vegetarian menu as another option. In those cases, I don't push it too extreme (yet).

Today I would like to focus more on the benefits that I feel after going through this new dietary lifestyle.

• I feel happier

I barely feel bad mood at all! That feels incredible! Once I stopped consuming those suffering souls (animal products) means I stopped putting their agony into myself. Say good bye to random sudden bad mood! Let's embrace pure joy shared by holy souls of the plants! Thanks goodness! :D

• My intuition is more sensible

All the signs from the universe suddenly look more clear! That delightful feeling when all your senses make more sense! Wohooo.. Fantastic!

• My digestion is so smooth!

I remember I used to suffer from that chronic constipation for my entire life! As long as I can remember, I had been living all my life in anguish for that bloody torture everyday. I used to take laxative to help me in some acute moments. Geez, believe me, that wasn't enjoyable. Now, my daily routine is much much pleasant! Happy tummy is happy life :D

• My hairloss reduces upto 90%

This is mind blowing for me. I used to suffer from quite severe hairloss everyday that I concerned being bald someday. I have tried so many shampoo for hair loss and they did not work. The only thing that helped reducing it was the hair tonic I applied on my scalp regularly. However, there are no such thing like hair tonic in the UK! Unbelievable! Previously, I have searched every corner of hair products in every supermarket and stores but nothing was there, any brand, NONE.

Devastated, I could only surrender. Then my vegan journey began. I just realised that actually my hair loss is now significantly reduced! OMG, I am beyond amazed. I guess, previously my body was toxicated by the animal products or just allergic to it. I am grateful becoming vegan.

• My skin glows

You will notice that every vegan has that glow! Natural skin glow, without any bb cream, cc cream, foundation whatsoever. All the nutrients our body need are there in the vegetables, fruits, and water! Our body literally is cheering up because their hard burden to cleanse the toxin we consumed before (from meat and dairy) just ceased! They are happy cells now, so they glow and looks pretty :D

• I am full of energy

Have you ever feel sluggish and lazy? I mean most of the time and do not really have some kind of energy both inside your body or mind to do work or simply live your life? I did, and I rarely feel the same nowadays :D Yes we still feel tiresome after the day and need sleep at night. I still feel exhausted after a tiring day and crave for a good night rest. But this is the interesting part, after charging our body and spirit during sleep, magically in the morning I feel that burst of good energy to continue life! Omg that is out of my sense at the beginning because I still remembered whining a bit at night before sleep and cursing the tiring work. Then in the morning I naively forgot those and was showered with positive energy to continue chasing my dream!
Not only that, I have more stamina to exercise too! I was turned on seeing the sunshine and allured to go out for running and enjoying that good vibes :D Exercising is not a torture anymore (like I used to feel before); it becomes an entertaining activity!

• My immune system is stronger

Excessive crisps snacking that causes sore throat can easily be cured by simply drinking warm lemon water! Haha. Trust me, that is real experience ;)
Let alone sick, my body is getting stronger. I can feel that healthy organs inside me! The soldiers (immune system) are more than ready to beat any bad intruders! Kind mutual symbions are welcome though ;)

In short, being a vegan uplift my entire quality of life into higher state. I am delightful and honoured to experience this wonderful feeling :D
So, my last message to you all...

London, I'm in love

London, 29 Dec 2016 [00:53]

It has been six months since that summer. I would like to say, "I fall deeper in love with this city!" :)

London has been giving me loads of dejavu, strange.
I still remember, the moment my airplane was about to land on Heathrow airport, that burst of delight flooded up inside me. The song 'Senorita' by Justin Timberlake was the playing in my earphones, a good vibe of new excitement was unbearable.

The air, the smell of the cold breeze, those rains and gloomy weather, the warm sun shine, the beautiful vanilla sky...altogether charade as magnificent beauty in my eyes.
Moreover, the classy architecture of the city is so bewitching for my old soul.

Here, slowly I am regaining my life; I mean my true and thorough meaning of life. My soul is remembering itself.

Universe is kind

London, 12 October 2016 [00.16]

I was born without anything
But I feel like I have everything
Indeed we all have everything
Universe is kind.

All I need can be fulfilled, not necessarily what I want
I fear none as universe is mine
and I am possessed by nobody but the universe itself
I am the universe, and so are we.

Actually, there is no 'me', myself is an illusion.
We are just perception, so called conciousness
Everyone and everything has conciousness
I feel it. Do try to feel it!

I talk to the trees and they talk to me
We are all connected because we are one.

I want to let you know that trees are generous
They are lovely and selfless, they just want to serve us their best
They cannot hate because they do not know how to hate
I do love them, and so do they.

Be grateful, try to see how blessed we are.
Breath, raise awareness.
Listen, see, smell, feel.
We are rich because all the energy is there and cannot be destroyed.

Nammyohorengekyo.

academic life - an update

London, 06 Oct 2016 [22:53]

Time? What is time?
If I try to think about it for a while, it feels so fast. My last three and a half months here feels nothing but like a snap. Literally, I have spent 1/10 of my study time here. How could I manage the remaining 9/10 to finish all the research and the thesis? Only future knows.
Let's not focus on that at the moment, shall we retrieve back to these past three months; what have I gained? Okay, let's make a list:
- Reading reading reading! Never have I ever in my life consuming these huge number of scientific journals regularly! By time, I learn how to effectively dig into those papers, understand the real meaning of them and extracting the essential data I need. Averagely now, I can read 10 papers in just couple of hours. Averagely before, I barely read any in a regular basis.
- Seminars, workshops, courses, symposiums, journal clubs! Surrounded by this highly academically intelligent community, leads me to the entirely different realm. I couldn't believe that science world has been this huge, that actually there are these many people who constantly pushing the limit of sorta what was unknown before. Slowly but sure, I have started to get the sense of how the scientific world really is.
- Biomaterials Lab! I have been working with several machines I didn't know exist before, such as Dynamic Mechanical Analysis machine, Differential Scanning Calorimetry, Fourier Transform Infrared spectroscopy, etc. By this time, I feel like being half material engineer really. To understand how the principle behind those tests, how to manage the testing parameters, and finally analise the results, is particularly quite a struggle. I have been digging into chemistry and physics much deeper that I have ever done in my life. Well, at the moment, I'm still striving though. However, it did hit me with some enlightenment I didn't know before. This really really stretching my limit. Oh by the way, I have been certified to handle liquid nitrogen which is quite cool I think, even though it means I risk my life everytime I have to work with that particular substance.
- Tissue Culture Lab! This is still not that much, yet. I am currently in the middle of the induction, which has many stages. Well, this is also a new realm. Here I am learning how to handle cells, how to breed them, seeing them, counting them, analysing them and working with several chemicals and machines I never touched before. Currently, I am playing with human osteosarcoma cell lines for practice as they are abundant in numbers and particularly easy to grow. Later on, I wish to play with some stem cells and osteoblasts on my material. Long way to go!

Bob's your uncle!

Well, perhaps not really. I just briefly summarised them. A part of them, I gained much valuable things and insights of life I can't really describe, not because I don't want to, but rather too complex to elaborate.

In terms of feeling, this study does pump my heart quite hard as what I had during my previous undergrad research and the clinical training during dental school (a.k.a koass). Damn, actually I hate that pressure. It's mentally uncomfortable. But that's how growth feels like, isn't it? Always painful, never actually happens in comfort zone.

Closing remarks, I surrender myself merely to the fate that I have. I have no idea how everything will eventually go, it usually leads to a complete surprise. All I can say is, I feel grateful for having all the opportunity that has been given to me. Being able to see the world in a completely different way is a bliss :)